


{Crash Broken You}

by beenicetobees



Series: {alien shane series} [1]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alien Shane Madej, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, He's a homesick boyo ;(, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Shane Madej-Centric, Telepathy, War, shyan if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 11:24:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17099690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beenicetobees/pseuds/beenicetobees
Summary: Sometimes he felt himself losing it. Felt himself becoming too human, forgetting what his friends and family looked like and thought like. And he had to sit and think about it, what it was in his childhood, before it burned, taking them all with it.ORIt's been a long time since he left home, but an alien episode brings back some memories for Shane.ORShane's an alien, there are feelings.





	{Crash Broken You}

**Author's Note:**

> Am I working on my WIP? No, I'm writing an alien au.  
> Shane's species was telepathic and nonverbal, and their names are thoughts. Shane's name, {crimson dust ashes}, and other things in brackets are meant to be concepts or images in your head.

Aliens. 

Ryan wanted to do an episode on aliens.

It's not like Shane wasn't expecting this, they were talking about ghosts and demons, aliens were obviously the next step. And in theory, he was prepared. Ryan would blabber on about various smudges on cameras that mostly were not aliens, and Shane would make some witty comments about how this was all bullshit and Ryan was an idiot, and the world would go on. 

Except, Shane's birthday was this week. And that would be fine if his birthday was actually his birthday, and not the day his escape pod came crashing through the trees smack dab in the middle of Illinois. The day when his whole life ended. 

Shane didn't know if he could handle this.

///

May 16, 1990

the craft caught fire as it entered the planet's atmosphere. {crimson dust ashes} hit the roof of the pod and felt consciousness slip away from xym. 

when xe awoke, xe was far away from xyr pod, on the edge of the forest. next to xym seemed to be a path of some sort, with wheeled crafts moving along it at high speeds. xe thought desperately back to where xe had plugged in coordinates, trying to get as far away as possible. the pod had chosen a planet, which was it? 

earth! the blue one! {crimson dust ashes} thought back to what xe had learned in school. intelligent life, under close observation, very close to space travel, but what did the life look like? 

xe heard soft footsteps behind xym. {crimson dust ashes} turned around to see a tall female human and a child. it was always better to mimic young, as they were weaker and it easier to believe they knew nothing. before the two could see xyr true form, {crimson dust ashes} had morphed into a skinny male child, looking around four years old in human years, with a tuft of brown hair. 

the woman made a noise. {crimson dust ashes} vaguely remembered that humans communicated verbally before the world around xym starter to grow fuzzy around the edges, and xe fainted again.

///

Shane paced back and forth in his apartment. Flashes of fire, of screams, played in his head. It had been years since he had left, since he had escaped, but it felt like yesterday. 

Thinking of aliens made him think of home, and for a moment he could feel homesick for what it once was, of the golden fields against the purple sky, of his childhood, where he could communicate in a way that made sense to him, and not have to consciously think of the movements and sounds combined to speak to the people around him. 

Sometimes he felt himself losing it. Felt himself becoming too human, forgetting what his friends and family looked like and thought like. And he had to sit and think about it, what it was in his childhood, before it burned, taking them all with it.

But that night was not one of those times. He was being taken over by the memories. They were crushing him. The guilt, the grief, the fear, the fire, the enemy, the death. Tears rolled down his face in a way that just made him sadder because they weren’t supposed to. 

It was too much.

He looked at his phone in his hand. Ryan had said that Shane could call him whenever he wanted. He hesitated over the ‘call’ button for thirty seconds before just thinking fuck it and pressing the button before he could change his mind.

The phone rang three times before Ryan’s voice sounded on the other end. 

“Hey Shane what’s up?” he asked. His voice was gruff from sleep and, oh god, Shane had woken him up. This was a bad idea.

“Did I wake you? I’m sorry,” Stupid stupid Shane. Ryan can’t fix his issues. He was too fucked up for that. He sniffed.

“It’s fine. Shane, are you crying?” Ryan sounded genuinely worried about him. That was nice of him. Shane didn’t answer. Saying yes would be lame and it would be much too easy for Ryan to tell if he lied.

“Alright, I’m coming over.”

“No, no, you don’t have t-”

“I don’t want to hear it, big guy. Make some popcorn, I’ll be there in ten minutes.” The line went silent. Shane sighed and looked in the mirror to see that his eyes were red and puffy. He washed his face and went to pop the corn. 

///  
May 17, 1990

this body could understand when the humans around it were speaking in words, and had the ability to make words itself, but {crimson dust ashes} had no clue what any of them meant. the female had taken xym with her and her son. she took xym back to a large city, where she let xym sleep on the floor of the boy’s room. the boy tried to talk to xym but xe gave no reply. not that that stopped the boy. he jabbered on, and {crimson dust ashes} focused intently on the boy’s words, trying to learn. 

at one point, the boy seemed to notice xyr confusion and pointed to himself. 

“Scott,” he said. scott. that must be the boy's name. a good place to start.

“Scott,” xe repeated back. scott bared his teeth. {crimson dust ashes} shrunk away in fright. had xe done something wrong? 

scott stopped baring his teeth and held up his hands in a way xe took to mean surrender. then he pointed to xym. he must be asking for xyr name. 

xe didn’t have a name. not one that xe could say at least. xe remembered from class that some humans could be slightly telepathic if given a push. it couldn’t hurt to try, so xe held out xyr hands in the same ‘i mean no harm’ gesture that scott had done before, and gently touched scott’s hand. xe pushed xyr name through the contact. xe could feel scott receiving the information. his eyes widened. {crimson dust ashes} pulled xyr hand away, but scott pulled it back. 

{question stars}

{nodding}

{question lost}

{running}

{why} xe hesitated to answer scott’s question. the image of war might be too much for a human child who had never seen death. but scott's eyes were so genuinely curious that xe broke down and told him.

{war}

scott pulled his hand away, clutching his head. tears rolled down his cheeks. it must be painful for him, telepathy when you are not a telepathic species. {crimson dust ashes} reached out xyr arm and gently touched him on the forehead, and scott fell asleep.  
///

Ryan took one look at Shane before pulling him into a hug. Although his head was just over halfway up Shane’s chest, Shane felt small and safe in his arms. 

Shane pulled away in order to let Ryan into his apartment. “Funny seeing you here,”

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan said, but there was a hint of a smile around his lips, “What’s going on?”

Shane sighed. He got the popcorn from the counter and plopped down on the couch, and gestured at the cushion beside him. Ryan sat down. Now Shane didn’t know what to say. He had rehearsed his lie when the popcorn had been in the microwave. Now, this was the best he had:

“A lot of shit happened to me when I was a kid,” he cringed internally at the response. At least it was true. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” 

“No, I want to. It would be a shame if you came all the way here just to sit in silence,” he shrugged, “Did you know I’m adopted?” Ryan looked surprised.

“I did not,”

“Yep! This is not Madej blood running through my veins. I was found on the side of the road when I was four, no name, no memories, no nothing. I was practically the princess Anastasia from the movie Anastasia.”

Despite the severity of the situation, Ryan wheezed out a laugh. “Does that make your brother the wizard or the annoying little bat?”

“Oh, the bat for sure. Anyway, Mom found me and took me back to her place. I couldn’t talk at this point by the way. Mom and Scott helped me to adjust and gave me a pretty good childhood from that point on, but whatever happened before that fucked me up.”

“But you don’t remember it?”

“I know! Like I have PTSD but I don’t even know why!”

“That’s unfair.”

“I know.” They sat in a silence that was awkward and comfortable at the same time. 

“You have PTSD?” Ryan asked after a bit.

“Yeah.”

“Do you have any triggers I need to know about?” Shane’s heart swelled for this man who was so respectful and genuine that he thought to ask, and even seemed to care.

“Hmm, I don’t like sudden noises. People think I might have been from another country, somewhere wartorn. English definitely wasn’t my first language.” He hesitated, “Talking about space gets me kinds panicky as well.”

“What?” Ryan furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“I don’t know, trauma’s weird, man.”

There was a pause. Then something seemed to dawn on Ryan.

“Was it the Alien episode I pitched to you? We don’t have to do it.”

“No, no no, we can do it, just like, later. When I’m freaking out less.” Ryan had seemed so excited when he pitched the episode, Shane didn’t want his stupid brain to ruin it. “I’m more on edge around this time of year, ‘round my birthday. Or my found-day, or whatever,” Shane could see Ryan to process all of the information that had he had just been told.

“Alright man, whatever you need.” 

Shane couldn’t believe that he had been concerned that Ryan would take this badly. He was Ryan. Ryan was his friend no matter what and that was for sure. 

Maybe he could be trusted with some of the more important things about Shane’s past.

But not yet.

///

June 6, 1990

“You (words words words) name” scott said to xym. xe furrowed xyr eyebrows. xe touched scott’s hand.

{crimson dust ashes} scott shook his head

“No, you (words words) name” xe realized that scott meant a name others could say, especially mom. the woman’s name was mom, scott had told xym. xe had tried to talk to her and it didn’t work for her.

“What… name?” xe tried. xe waited to see if it had been right, and relxed a little when scott looked pleased.

“I (words) brother name(ed?) Shane,” xe was confused. was shane the name or a word xe didn’t know? xe knew brother, that was xym. xe was scott’s brother.

“Shane? Name for me?” scott nodded. that meant yes. xe liked it. it was an easy name for xym to say too. no hard constanents. shane smiled.

“Hello,” scott said, “my name is Shane.” he waited for shane to repeat.

“Hello, my name is Shane.” 

xe didn’t stop saying it for weeks.

///

Shane was not doing a very good job at being an alien pretending to be a human this week. 

First off, he referred to other employees at the buzzfeed office as humans, which wasn’t that strange for buzzfeed, but combined with going non-verbal for three days, sighing longingly when someone brought up space travel, and his freakout last month? At this point he seemed more like a human pretending to be an alien. 

Not many people were suspicious, these were kinda normal Shane things. People had told him he just had that cryptid energy. But someone, Garrett or Keith or someone, said that he just seemed like he felt out of place wherever he went, like he was from another planet.

It was a harmless comment, but now Shane was hyperaware of his actions, how they could be percieved as wrong and people would find out. They could take him away, hurt him. 

He didn’t want to be taken away from other people (Ryan). He would miss other people (Ryan).

He had been staring at the lunch table, ignoring all of his friends, before there was a loud popping noise.

He practically jumped out of his seat, his hands flying to his ears. His long limbs curled up around him.

“Hey big guy, you okay?” Ryan’s voice was distant. Shane was being pulled back, back in time. 

Purple sky muted by smoke. Crashing. Booming. explosions. minds calling out. children watching their families get killed in front of them. the enemy is coming. run. run. run. 

{crimson dust ashes} doesn’t think xe’ll get out. {crimson dust ashes} finds a ship that hasn’t burned. bang bang bang around xym get out get out get out. {crimson dust ashes} survives.

{crimson dust ashes} leaves everyone to die.

And then it was quiet. The noises faded and the images too. Shane was in a hallway against a wall. He took a breath in, and out. The air wheezes from his throat. He looked up to see Ryan sitting across the hall from him, his face looked the way it did whenever they were in a haunted location.

Shane tried to speak, to ask what happened and how he got here. But the words didn’t come. But Ryan seemed to notice that Shane was back and aware, so he filled him in.

“Someone was celebrating finishing a project and there was champagne. That’s the noise that startled you. You were pretty far gone so I moved you to this hallway where it’s quiet.”

Shane nodded. Everyone must be worried.

“Everyone’s pretty worried about you. That was scary, dude. I mean obviously, it isn’t your fault, and it isn’t those partiers’ fault, it was the champagne’s fault and whoever fucking hurt you when you were a kid,” Ryan rambled. Shane was grateful that he was filling the silence. Now that the screams weren’t as overpowering, the quiet was crushing. 

“But you said you don’t remember it? Like I get it, trauma is fucking weird, but like you were clearly somewhere else, man.” 

Shane sighed. He knew his shitty lying would come back to bite him eventually. 

“Listen, if you were lying and you do remember it, you don’t have to talk about it with me, it’s chill, this is definitely not helping, I’ll shut up now.” 

Shane chuckled and opened his mouth to tell him it was okay. When it didn't work he let out a small grunt of frustration.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk yet. We can sit here for as long as you need,” Fuck, this man was too good to lie to. He spoke without even thinking.

“I have a secret,”  
“You don’t have to tell-”

“Shut up. Just, please don’t freak out okay?” He prayed to every god that Ryan was telepathic, then he grabbed Ryan’s hand and told him.

He was correct, Ryan was telepathic to an extreme degree.

{stars UFO alien me planet beautiful war explosions fire death ship escape survive empty earth crash mom scott chicago home life broken you you you} Ryan shook his hand off. There was a long silence.

“What the fuck just happened,” Ryan said, quietly, his head in his hands, “What the hell was that Shane?!” He was getting frantic now.

“Telepathy. I’m an alien.” Shane said matter of factly. He wrung his hands together in his lap.

“This isn’t a fucking joke Shane!” 

“I’m not laughing.” Shane chewed on the corner of his thumb nail. “You’re the one that believes in this shit,” 

“You’re an alien,”

“Yep,”

“An ALIEN?”

“You saw it. You know it’s true, don’t you? You just do.” 

Ryan didn’t say anything for a long time. 

“So aliens… are real? Like, actually?” he started cautiously.

“Yeah,” Shane replied, “is that okay?”

“Yeah, I-I think so.” suddenly he smiled so wide it practically touched his ears, “Does this mean ghosts are real?”

“No, Ryan I’m an alien, this is based in facts, you couldn’t be alone in the universe, that doesn’t make sense. You know what else doesn’t make sense? Ghosts!”

“I mean one thing a lot of people don’t believe in turns out to be real, that basically means everything’s real.”

“No, it doesn’t!!”

///

August 17, 1991

he wasn’t sure when he became he. everyone always referred to him that way and it became part of the language that he learned. 

he was shane madej.

he was going to kindergarten next week.

he had a loving family that wants him to be happy.

he was safe.

he was happy

{crimson dust ashes} was far away.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me so long to write and I didn't edit it at all, so like, sorry about that. I'll probably go back and edit it later, but I just want to get it out there.


End file.
